Allow me to explain why.

Tooting were playing a league fixture against Bedford at Sandy Lane, I think it was in the 90's . Bedford were flying high at the top of the league, I think we were mid-table. I walked into the clubhouse bar before the match and was immediately struck by the sight of this geezer in full camouflage combat gear, jacket, trousers, the whole nine yards. They weren't khaki combats, they were those sky blue and white ones that the Marines wear in the arctic. I remember my first thought was he reminded me of how I used to dress my Action Man back in the day. He was sitting with a group of Bedford supporters and I suspected the Bedford Town Kop had sent their paramilitary wing on hearing of The Bog End Army's various and sometimes brutal victories against higher profile 'firms' including Swindon, Palace and Northampton. As it turned out, he just had no dress sense. Outside it was f***ing freezing, I'm talking Brass Monkeys, so maybe my mate was hoping for a light sprinkling of the white stuff in order to sneak in unnoticed.

Out on the pitch Bedford handed us a beating of epic proportions, I think it ended 5-0 but it really could have been double that. Tooting had been attacking the Sandy Lane end in the second half or defending the Bog End is perhaps more accurate. At the final whistle me and a couple of pals were stood outside the bar waiting for a mate to finish his Jimmy Riddle when who should walk past but 'Action Man', he noticed the miserable look on our faces brought about by watching our heroes annhilated in the bitter cold and said with a sickening smug grin on his ugly face ''cheer up boys, you were lucky it was only five, could have been a lot worse, hur hur hur !!!'' ''yeah, very witty mate'' I replied, ''yeah, I thought so too'' he said as he disappeared into the bar. I was just about to shout at him ''OI MATE, YOUR MUM DRESSES YOU FUNNY'' but the doors had swung shut and the smug c*** was out of earshot.

So there you have it, trounced on the pitch and outwitted off of it by some quasi northern ponce in fancy dress. To this day it still rankles. I f***ing hate Bedford cos of that c***. With hindsight I should have followed him into the bar and smashed a pint glass in his head but the law tend to take a dim view on that sort of behaviour. Wonder if he still goes ????